Adventures in Remembering
by castielsgrace
Summary: Castiel had never thought too much about falling. He never dwelled on the fact that it had happened, and he tried to pretend that he had always just been human, but like anyone suffering from lost, Castiel would find himself trying to stretch his wings, only to realize they were gone. One night, it all just gets too overwhelming, and Cas is forced to finally let it out.


**Title:** Adventures in Remembering

**Pairing:** Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings:**None  
**Word Count:** 700  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Supernatural, of course. I also do not own Castiel, sadly.  
**Summary:** Castiel had never thought too much about falling. He never dwelled on the fact that it had happened, and he tried to pretend that he had always just been human, but like anyone suffering from lost, Castiel would find himself trying to stretch his wings, only to realize they were gone. One night, it all just gets too overwhelming, and Cas is forced to finally let it out. Part of the Adventures in Falling verse.  
**Note: **Thank you for the support in this verse! Feel free to drop me a comment with any ideas you have for "firsts" for Castiel as he tries to adjust to being human, or even just anything you're curious to see in this verse as prompts/suggestions are always accepted, appreciated and encouraged. :)

* * *

Castiel tried to avoid thinking about his wings. He tried to forget he ever had them; that he was anything more than human. He usually managed fairly well, but there were times when he was alone in his room and he caught himself trying to stretch them out, only to realize that they were long gone. This was one of those nights.

Castiel sighed, heaving himself off of his bed and into the shared bathroom at the end of the hallway. He flicked the light on, squinting in the blinding brightness that hit as his eyes struggled to adjust. He looked at himself in the mirror, eyes moving up his pale chest, scrawny in comparison to Sam and Dean and currently seeming even smaller in the overly large T-shirt that had once belonged to Dean. Cas had plenty of sleeping shirts now, ones that actually fit him, but he liked that the shirt still held Dean's sent. When he woke up lonely, it calmed him.

His eyes reached his shoulders and the spaces behind them, normally where he would have seen the folded tips of his ash black wings, but that now held nothing more than the image of the wall behind him. His heart, his so very _human_ heart, clenched painfully.

He didn't hate being human. Far from it, Cas had always loved the human kind, and being a part of them hadn't changed those opinions. He generally managed to enjoy himself in the company of Dean and Sam, but there were still times where he was hit with the crippling realization that there was no turning back, that he was officially stuck. His Father had given up one him, had casted him aside even after the many times he had saved him. He had allowed his own sons—Castiel's _brothers_—to rip off his wings and steal his Grace, and it _hurt_. It hurt more than in the physical sense, it hurt that not even his own brothers would hesitate in performing such actions, in sending him away and never allowing him to return.

So many emotions were bubbling up inside him and his chest was tightening and Cas started to panic. His eyes started to water, and Cas realized that in a matter of minutes he would be "bawling his eyes out", as Dean referred to it. However, before his tears could even begin to fall, the door was smashed open that none other than Dean himself, walking in with his eyes half-lidded and tired.

"Jesus, sorry Cas I didn't—" Dean paused, "Hey, are you crying?"

"I think I may be about to," Cas admitted, and his voice cracked embarrassingly as he spoke.

"C'mere," Dean held open his arms, and Castiel fell into them with a sob, unable to stop the feelings swelling in him anymore. "What's wrong?" Dean's voice was calm, not judging; just what Castiel needed.

"My wings are gone," He breathed, "And I'll never get them back."

"It's been months, Cas. Have you been beating yourself up about that this whole time?"

Castiel shook his head, trying to burrow himself deeper into the warm of Dean's chest, breathing him in. "I'm usually okay," He said weakly. He could feel his tears soaking through Dean's shirt and he felt a stab of guilt as he realized that he had ruined the garment, "But sometimes I'll forget and when I go to stretch them I—They're not there anymore."

Dean's hand comes to rest in his hair, combing through it gently, soothingly, as he rocks them softly from side to side, trying to calm the hysterics that had snuck up on Cas again, "Shh, it's okay. It'll be okay."

"I have you," Cas said weakly, "I know it will be."

"Yeah, you do. And I'll always be here for you, okay?"

"Thank you Dean," He felt himself calm slightly as the heavy weight on his heart lessened and allowed himself to be led down the hall and to Dean's room. When he was pulled down onto the bed, Castiel didn't argue, instead curling himself into Dean's side and resting his had on his chest. For the first time ever, Castiel fell asleep in someone's arms.


End file.
